You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
