Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
