Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
