never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
