Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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