Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
These tits shall not be calmed
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