BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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