I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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