Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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