You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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