apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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