Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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