She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
