Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
