Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
