Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
