i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
