Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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