youre lurking in front of me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
