hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
