u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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