I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
