I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
