I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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