Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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