so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
