I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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