I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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