genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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