I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
