you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
