have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
