sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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