I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
