Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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