Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
