before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
