Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
