i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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