this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
