He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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