Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
