Just fell off a train. Bad.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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