I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
