We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
