"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
