shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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