Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
