Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
