If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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