singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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