glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
