OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
