i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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